~You secretly hate Bella for stealing your boyfriend

~You sit in bright, sunny meadows waiting for something to sparkle

~You write "I ♥ EC all over your notebooks

~You scream "SUPID SiLVER VOLVO OWNER!" every time you see a silver volvo

~You force your friends to read Twilight

~You're convinced you'll never get married because your one true love is already taken

~You join every Edward fansite on the internet

~New Moon is your least favorite book because it has the least amount of him in it

~You try to control your thoughts because Edward might be listening

~You don't date anyone who doesn't have liquid-topaz eyes & red-brown hair

~You sometimes wish Bella would just pick Jacob so you could have Edward to yourself

~You giggle when ever you hear his name used in a book/movie/TV show

~You name all your inanimate objects Edward

~You prefer air conditioning to space heaters

~You find yours ... Read more »

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women

(and what they actually mean)

10. I think of you as a brother.

(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.

(I don't want to do my dad.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.

(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.

(I ... Read more »

If you kiss her,
you are not a gentleman
If you don't,
you are not a man

If you praise her,
she thinks you are lying
If you don't,
you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes,
you are a wimp
If you don't,
you are not understanding

If you visit her often,
she thinks you are boring
If you don't,
she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed,
she says you are a playboy
If you don't,
you are a dull boy

If you are jealous,
she says it's bad
If you don't,
she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance,
she says you didn't respect her
If you don't,
she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late,
she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late,
she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man,
... Read more »

Women

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

We need = I want

It's your decision. = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want. = You'll pay for this later!

We need to talk. = I need to complain. ... Read more »

Over the years, Studio Gainax has been responsible for some of the greatest achievements in the field of Japanese animation. Masterpieces like WINGS OF HONNEAMISE, TOP O NERAE: GUNBUSTER! and SECRET OF BLUE WATER have now become the stuff legends are made of. It has been four years since the completion of that last work, which was probably the studioÕs greatest success, and it is now time for a brand new Gainax TV series. SECRET OF BLUE WATER had been heavily inspired by Jules Verne's 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA and, as such, featured a Victorian era atmosphere and technology. The new series, called SHINSEIKI EVANGERION (NEON GENESIS EVANGELION), is much closer to MEIOU PROJECT: ZEORYMER and TOP O NERAE: GUNBUSTER! and refers to the Christian bible, Hebraic scriptures, Babylonian mythology, even to the Kabbalah, as parts of its inspiration. It indicates the possibility of the "Tree of ... Read more »

2. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

3. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

4. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

5. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!

6. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

7. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

8. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

9. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it' ... Read more »

1. You can enjoy beer all month long.

2. Beer stains wash out.

3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer.

4. Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play football.

5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.

6. Beer is never late.

7. Hangovers go away.

8. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer. ... Read more »

There is a story many years ago of an elementary teacher. Her name was Mrs. Thompson. And as she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children a lie. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same.

But that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard. Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he didn't play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. And Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.

... Read more »

Boy: Baby, we need to talk.
Girl: Ricardo, what do u mean?
Boy: Something has come up...
Girl: What? What's wrong? Is it bad?
Boy: I don't want to hurt you, baby.
Girl: *Thinks* Oh my God, I hope he doesnt break up with me... I love him so much.
Boy: Baby, are you there??
Girl: Yeah, I'm here. What is so important??
Boy: I'm not sure if I should say it..
Girl: Well, you already brought it up, so please just tell me.
Boy: I'm leaving...
Girl: Baby, what are u talking about?? I don't want you to leave me, I love you.
Boy: Not like that, I mean I'm moving far away.
Girl: Why? All of your famliy lives over here.
Boy: Well, my father is sending me away to a boarding school far away.
Girl: I can't believe this.
[FATHER: (Picks up the other phone, interrupts & yells furiously
ERICA!, what did I tell you about talking to boys?! ... Read more »