If you're lucky enough to encounter one of these children of the night, don't blow everything by asking if you can snap a quick picture for your photo album. Vampires are very sensitive when it comes to cameras; I guess you could call them camera shy. So, bend a little and settle for a charcoal drawing. Better yet, bring your Etch-A-Sketch.

If you and the boys invite a vampire over for Monday Night Football, don't put any garlic salt on his buffalo wings. However, Liquid Smoke and MSG are A-OK. During halftime, ask him to entertain everyone by transforming from vampire to bat, then back again.  

If you decide to introduce your girlfriend to a vampire, you must insist that she wear a turtle neck sweater and shades that have been decorated with crosses. For added security, encourage her to slice up a pan of garlic and onions. She should not wash her hands in the 'Madge' stuff.

If a vampire accompanies you to a skating rink, pick an establishing without the rotating crystal balls. One accidental reflection could turn the rink very rank.

If a vampire 'Trick or Treats' your house on Halloween, steer away from the orange and black wrapped candies. It could be in your best interest to splurge and toss a few York Patties into his bag.

If a vampire visits your alteration shop, don't suggest fuchsia, paisley or country blue material for his new cape. Traditional black makes the biggest fashion statement with vampires.

Never ask your vampire friend to impersonate Elvis at the local talent show. There's been bad blood between the two ever since they fought over a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich one night In the Ghetto.

If you invite a vampire to spend the day, don't offer him the kid's bedroom if it's located on the upper story of your home. The solar window will not be appreciated. Instead, allow him to sleep in the box your new refrigerator came in last week.

When purchasing a pet for your vampire friend, opt for a bat or white wolf. If either has yellow eyes, you're sure to end up at the top of your vampire friend's Christmas list this year.