Women

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

We need = I want

It's your decision. = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want. = You'll pay for this later!

We need to talk. = I need to complain. ... Read more »

Over the years, Studio Gainax has been responsible for some of the greatest achievements in the field of Japanese animation. Masterpieces like WINGS OF HONNEAMISE, TOP O NERAE: GUNBUSTER! and SECRET OF BLUE WATER have now become the stuff legends are made of. It has been four years since the completion of that last work, which was probably the studioÕs greatest success, and it is now time for a brand new Gainax TV series. SECRET OF BLUE WATER had been heavily inspired by Jules Verne's 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA and, as such, featured a Victorian era atmosphere and technology. The new series, called SHINSEIKI EVANGERION (NEON GENESIS EVANGELION), is much closer to MEIOU PROJECT: ZEORYMER and TOP O NERAE: GUNBUSTER! and refers to the Christian bible, Hebraic scriptures, Babylonian mythology, even to the Kabbalah, as parts of its inspiration. It indicates the possibility of the "Tree of ... Read more »

2. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

3. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

4. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

5. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!

6. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

7. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

8. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

9. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it' ... Read more »

1. You can enjoy beer all month long.

2. Beer stains wash out.

3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer.

4. Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play football.

5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.

6. Beer is never late.

7. Hangovers go away.

8. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer. ... Read more »

There is a story many years ago of an elementary teacher. Her name was Mrs. Thompson. And as she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children a lie. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same.

But that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard. Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he didn't play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. And Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.

... Read more »

Boy: Baby, we need to talk.
Girl: Ricardo, what do u mean?
Boy: Something has come up...
Girl: What? What's wrong? Is it bad?
Boy: I don't want to hurt you, baby.
Girl: *Thinks* Oh my God, I hope he doesnt break up with me... I love him so much.
Boy: Baby, are you there??
Girl: Yeah, I'm here. What is so important??
Boy: I'm not sure if I should say it..
Girl: Well, you already brought it up, so please just tell me.
Boy: I'm leaving...
Girl: Baby, what are u talking about?? I don't want you to leave me, I love you.
Boy: Not like that, I mean I'm moving far away.
Girl: Why? All of your famliy lives over here.
Boy: Well, my father is sending me away to a boarding school far away.
Girl: I can't believe this.
[FATHER: (Picks up the other phone, interrupts & yells furiously
ERICA!, what did I tell you about talking to boys?! ... Read more »

Vampire, The Code of the Fang

Hot, deserted, evil-ridden desert!  What had possessed him to hole up in Texas?

Zandar swatted at the tribe of mosquitoes flocking around him, that were perhaps sensing his undead demeanor.  Worse than the rats of England, he spontaneously decided.  They were as thick as the stars in the wide open, blackened skies – their stingers probably laced with visions of West Nile Virus.

Zandar gazed at his western idiot savant, Lester, whom he’d transformed into his devoted servant. Lester, however, referred to his title as ‘helper’ which was heavily laced with a ... Read more »

If you're lucky enough to encounter one of these children of the night, don't blow everything by asking if you can snap a quick picture for your photo album. Vampires are very sensitive when it comes to cameras; I guess you could call them camera shy. So, bend a little and settle for a charcoal drawing. Better yet, bring your Etch-A-Sketch.

If you and the boys invite a vampire over for Monday Night Football, don't put any garlic salt on his buffalo wings. However, Liquid Smoke and MSG are A-OK. During halftime, ask him to entertain everyone by transforming from vampire to bat, then back again.  

If you decide to introduce your girlfriend to a vampire, you must insist that she wear a turtle neck sweater and shades that have b ... Read more »

A certain old man was traveling to the city in anticipation of starting a new life.  Everything he owned was tucked safely into his pockets and the knapsack on his back, his load light.

By and by he came across an ugly witch who was locked inside a beautiful golden cage. "Release me and I will give you but three wishes, old man," she begged.

Being the kind-hearted soul that he was, he released the witch - not expecting her to give him anything.  Without so much as a 'thank you' she had vanished down the dusty trail leadin ... Read more »